Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
