We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
