We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
