I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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