Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
