I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
