omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
