She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
