it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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