The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
