Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
