Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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