You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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