Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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