Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
