And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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