I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
