So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.