Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
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I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?