You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.