Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
