even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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