Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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