Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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