barbara walters just said penis...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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