Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
