I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
