i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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