Are we in a gay sports bar?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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