who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I think my fart just growled at me.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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