she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
