you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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