Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
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The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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