I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
