I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You pole danced in your parka.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
