You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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