PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
