I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
