You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
