one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
zippers are such a cool invention
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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