I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
