Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
