how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All I want is dick and wine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
