Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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