Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
