I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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