4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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