No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
