I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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