Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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