were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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