you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
