I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
