My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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