Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
