I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize