Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
