from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
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We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
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it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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