She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
where are my eyebrows?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
