i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
