You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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