piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
