Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Randomize
