you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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