i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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