You smell like stripper and shame
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
the liver wants what the liver wants
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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