You smell like a Billy Joel song
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Pants are for mortals
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
