How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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